You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
