I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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