I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
