yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
