quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were trust falling into bushes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize