Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
