oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
