does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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