so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
