My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
