it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
