Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
