She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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