how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
