I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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