i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
lets start a swedish sibling band together
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my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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