I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
pray to the hookup gods
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
