last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
