Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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