omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
