i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just puked most of my soul out..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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