There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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