thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
