if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think my fart just growled at me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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