Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
