Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
