i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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