return my video game
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
