Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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