I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize