Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
