There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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