rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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