Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize