Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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