How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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