Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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