I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.