I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER