Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket