the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?