Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Canadian or clown?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets