Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
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It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.