just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?