So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.