First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon