My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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