dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?