Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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