Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

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(408): View more from California

Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it

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(970): View more from Colorado

Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me

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(229): View more from Georgia

He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(931): View more from Tennessee

Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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(585): View more from New York

I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces

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(518): View more from New York

I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.

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