That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
