Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.