Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize