Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
