I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
