there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
