You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.