I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
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The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.