dude i'm inner monologue high
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.