then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.