I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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