so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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