I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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