pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
