He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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