I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
