You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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