don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
